Chronicles of a Prick
by Lost-Hogwarts-Student
Summary: LilyJames; SiriusOC. A set of 100 witty and amusing drabbles in Lily Evan's point of view that won't go past 500 or some words each.
1. A Sandwich

A/N: I suddenly got the urge of writing a story of 100 short drabbles; they'll all be in Lily's point of view, seeing as I find that the most interesting. If you care for this story **read and review.**

* * *

I sit by the lake, my back resting against a tree's soft bark.

This is my favorite place. The air is quiet, peaceful, and absent of any explosions.

I like being able to close my eyes and listen to the wind.

It's calming after a day of stress. Sure, people may say that I brought the stress upon myself by taking so many classes. But I haven't. I'm able to do it.

Still, though, this helps me unwind.

Something, or someone, taps my shoulder. I look and see that it's James Potter.

I turn back around and close my eyes forcefully.

Relax, I tell myself, relax. Ignore him.

I feel something drop onto my lap and then I hear him walk away.

Well, at least he's gone.

I open my eyes and see a piece of parchment with words carefully written on it.

_I don't need music, lobster or wine_

_Whenever your eyes look into mine;_

_The things I long for are simple and few: _

_A cup of coffee, a sandwich- and you._

I crumple it up and throw it into the lake.

Now that I think about it, I could in fact go for a sandwich. And so I get up and walk to the Great Hall for lunch.


	2. The Weather

I stare absentmindedly out of my window and at the bright blue sky outside.

It's a curious thing, the weather.

Sometimes the day shines with beautiful sunlight. Other times, the grounds become covered in a thick sheet of rain.

I don't particularly like the weather for the fact that you don't know what's coming. I rather have it pre-told. Then again, that's what weathermen are for- but they hardly get it right.

There are some things that are like the weather in that sense; unpredictable. I never like things that have that quality. Especially one person who lives up to that very well.

James Potter.

Some days he ignores me- I match those up with the days the weather is splendid.

Other days, though, he pursues me to no ends- that reminds me of when it starts to thunder.

He irritates me. The weather, also, occasionally irritates me.

Then I think of a saying I once heard:

_Weather is a great metaphor for life - sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, and there's nothing much you can do about it but carry an umbrella._

Or in Potter's case, carry some sort of weapon.


	3. Feathers

I find it concentrating in my favorite class very difficult with James Potter sitting behind me. I always liked Charms- but that prick ruins it for me by flirting whenever he gets the chance. Today our task involved a feather and a partner. James threw his hand up in the air when Flitwick began assigning mine. Wonderful.

"How are you Lilyflower?" he asks when he takes the seat next to me.

I ignore him as he picks up the feather and twirls it aimlessly in his fingers. "Do you know why male birds have the prettiest feathers?" I ask him; it takes him a while to comprehend that I've talked to him out of free will.

"No," he says, after recomposing himself, "Will you tell me?"

"It's because they have to justify their existence," I say.

"Why would males have to justify their existence?" he asks.

"Because they're so arrogant and annoying that we women always ask each other why they were created," I say.

James stops to think a while but then a smile creeps on his lips and he leans in, "Do you know what _I_ think, Lily?"

I glare at him, "You think?"

James ignores my comment and whispers, "I think that if _I_ were a bird, you'd find my feathers insufferably attractive."

I raise my eyebrows, "Never."

James gives me a mischievous grin, "Oh I think so. You'd find me to be the most gorgeous bird. Sexy, even; because I'd have a colorful array of feathers."

"Oh, please."

The bell rings right on time and I grab my books, walking far away from Potter.

Even as bird he wouldn't be able to give good reason for his existence- even if he had the most dazzling of feathers.


	4. Homework

A/N: Happy Thanksgiving! :)

* * *

"You really do too much homework," my friend Natalie says as she plays Exploding Snap with another Gryffindor.

I peer at her from over my book and say, "I enjoy doing homework."

"Lies," claims Natalie, and she's right of course; I'm lying through my teeth.

I put my book down, "Fine. I want to get good grades- hence the homework."

Natalie smiles, "You'd manage to get good grades even if you didn't do homework. Plus, there's plenty of stuff for you to do rather than just homework."

"Like go out with me?" James appeared from nowhere, honestly. He leans on the table I'm working on and grins with a crooked smile.

"No, Potter. Get over yourself, really." I then continue reading my book.

He leaves, obviously, since I rejected him. It's the only way to make him go away. Unfortunately, I think he does this to concoct more plans and more ways that he can use to ask me out next time.

"You shouldn't be so harsh," says Natalie; I stare at her disbelievingly.

"Why shouldn't I be?" I ask, finally closing my book and putting it aside.

"Because I'll bet he's a great guy if you give him the chance to be."

"Potter? A great guy?" I laugh a little.

"Yes," says Natalie, smiling in spite of herself.

Sighing, I say, "If I were you Natalie, I wouldn't bet on me giving him a chance. At least not yet."

I then take my book and head up to my dormitory.


	5. Where is she?

I can't find Natalie anywhere- this makes me nervous. She has a tendency to get a little "out of control" when someone tries to hurt her, and I _really _hope no one has hurt her.

I walk down the hallways, my oil lamp raised above my head as I look for her.

"Natalie!" I whisper loudly, "Natalie! Where are you?"

I hear noises coming from a broom cupboard. Uh-oh; this can't be good.

I reach for the door handle and when I open it I have to throw my hand over my mouth to stop myself from screaming. At a first glance, it had looked to me as if Natalie was being attacked by someone; but after recomposing myself, I see that no, she's not being attacked- but she is being snogged by Sirius Black.

"What are you _doing_?!"

Sirius pulls away and Natalie looks at me, her eyes aren't focused.

"Lily?" he says casually as Natalie's knees buckle, causing her to throw her arms around his neck for support. "I'm kind of in the middle of something."

"Sirius Black. What-have-you-_done_?!" I ask in disbelief.

He grins, "Just a tad bit of Firewhisky; Natalie is very naughty when she wants to be."

Natalie then smiles and mumbles something incoherent, kissing Sirius wetly on the cheek.

"You're disgusting," I say, crossing my arms.

Sirius shrugs and smiles as Natalie reaches a hand and twirls her fingers in his hair.

"What can I say?" says Sirius coyly.

"You know what?" I say, "Do what you want. Let me tell you, though, you're going to get it in the morning."

Sirius grins and Natalie kisses him on the mouth.

Sirius pulls away slightly and says, "Whatever you say, Lily. You know best."

I slam the door and walk back to the Gryffindor common room, knowing I won't be seeing Sirius all day tomorrow.

At least I have something to look forward to.


	6. She Makes my Day

And I was right.

Sirius hasn't been seen all day. Now that I mention it, Natalie hasn't been seen all day either.

I'm walking down the corridors when I see her, looking quite smug.

Hm, what has she been up to?

Natalie sees me and smiles, "Hello, Lily."

"Hello, Natalie," I say, and looking at her impish grin I add, "You look like you've done something."

Natalie sighs in a pleased type of way, "Well, let's just say it really _is _possible for someone to fit their whole fist into their mouth."

I start to laugh, but she continues by saying, "But Sirius really broke the record- since he can fit two."

She walks away, leaving me stunned. Alone in the corridor I start to laugh at the very amusing picture she's painted for me.

Ah, Amity. You always know how to make my day.


	7. Owls

I sat doing homework one day in the library, able to concentrate for once.

Oh, but not for long. James Potter always knows how to ruin a good day. He decides to sit in front of me.

"Hello, there Lily."

I don't even look up from my book, determined on studying. Although for the past fifteen seconds I've been reading the same word over, and over, and over…

"Lily?"

What more can I do, really? I try to ignore him, but he just persists. Like a little child. Ugh.

"Er, hello?"

Breathe, Lily, breathe for the love of Merlin. He will _not _get the best of you. At least you can assure yourself of that. Come on, Lily, be strong!

He coughs, "Lily. I think you can hear me. I want to ask you something."

I doubt his question is coherent to my studying, so I continue to try to ignore him. Try being the key word. He can't keep quiet.

"Lily Evans," he says, his voice raising. The librarian magically appears behind a bookshelf and presses a finger to her lips- ha. That will definitely keep him quiet.

"Lily, please," he says, "I know you can hear me. Just one quick question."

Or not.

I sigh outwardly, looking at my book. I haven't moved from the word I've been bluntly staring at for the past half hour. I place my book gently down, trying to remain calm.

"What could you possibly want?"

Potter smiles a crooked smile, and for some reason, I catch my breath. I put it out of my mind, though.

"I just wanted to ask you if you like owls."

I stare at him, stunned. He had persisted for now almost forty minutes to ask me whether or not I liked…_owls_?

"I don't know. They're alright."

He doesn't look satisified though. "But do you _really _like them?"

I try to be honest in answering, hoping this will make him leave, "Well, they are the best pets, I believe. Seeing that with them you can send and deliver your own personal mail. I've also heard that they are actually the most loyal of the animals, apart from a dog. But we can't bring dogs here, so owls would be best overall."

Potter gives me the crooked smile and his wide child-like eyes twinkle with pleasure, "Brilliant. Thanks, Lily."

He kisses me swiftly on the cheek and I am left there, rooted to the spot.

I can't keep lying to myself for ever.

Maybe James Potter _occasionally _gets the best of me.

…

Occasionally.


	8. Tapping

I sit in Charms one day, listening to a very interesting lecture. I am fully concentrated, except for the irritating tapping that is occurring to my right. I know the culprit of such annoyance, of course. It is obvious, isn't it? James Potter must always find some way to distract me.

"Stop that," I whisper out of the corner of my mouth.

He stops the tapping he had been doing for the past hour and looks at me and whispers, "What? This?" He begins again, for demonstration. Does he think I am _stupid_? Of course I mean that!

"Of course I mean the tapping, Potter," I whisper viciously. I think I see Flitwick's eyes dart in my direction, but I choose to ignore it, because I might just burst into tears if I get in trouble in my absolute favorite class.

"Why does it bother you?" he asks, while _tapping._

I can very much pull my hair out right now. "_Because_ I'm listening to the professor; something you should be doing too, seeing that you're a prefect," I say, my whispers turning more and more into yells as he persists more and more.

"Miss Evans?"

Oh for the love of Merlin.

"Yes, Professor Flitwick?" I ask shakily. I hear that Potter has stopped his incessant tapping. Brilliant.

"I'm trying to give a lecture, Miss, so please listen, yes?" he asks somewhat impatiently.

"Yes, professor," I whisper, absolutely mortified.

And to my utter frustration I hear the tapping.

I, positively besides myself, heatedly reach over, grab James Potter's quill, and snap it in two even pieces.

Ha. Take that!

…

…

Alas, he has a spare.


	9. Bad Day

It's safe to say I'm in a terrible mood.

This morning I woke up and hit my head on the top of my bed. I am now in the process of bruising. Then, Amity (being the smart cookie she is) left the sink running, so when I went to the bathroom I slipped and fell into the toilet- which she had forgotten to flush. Then I had to take a bath and when I got out, I had no clean bra. So now I am wearing Amity's, two sizes too big and with filler. I look like an obese person who's just lost fifty pounds in just boobs and is showing off this amazing weight-loss by wearing one of her old bras. It's terrible, really.

So now, I have a swelling bump of my forehead, my hair still smells oddly of piss, and my shirt has odd lumps in it because of this ill-fitting bra.

Oh, but wait. Look who is coming now.

"Hello, Lily; isn't it a lovely day today?" James Potter bravely asks cheerfully.

"Why the bloody hell would you consider this a lovely day, Potter?" I ask, careful to _not _hide my disdain. If there's anyone I can take my anger out on, it's this one right here.

"Because I get to see you," he says, in a tone that I would find sweet if not for the certain circumstances.

"And for me it's an even _more _dreadful day because I am _forced _to see _you_!" I bellow, and begin to stalk away.

Not before he catches up to me and taps me brightly on the shoulder. I briskly turn around and glare at him.

He kisses me on the nose and smiles before walking away.

The rest of the day I am on a killing rampage.

I will make sure that James Potter ends up bald, hanging from the topmost tower, with his underwear pulled up over his disgusting face.


	10. The Elements

I walk, laughing, with Natalie down a corridor as we go to lunch. I carry a big stack of books in my arms which are taking quite a toile on my very nonexistent muscles. I start to strain as they begin slipping out from under me; of course Natalie is ignorant to the whole situation as she retells me the story of how she beat up Sirius and how sweet it felt. Suddenly, I can take no more.

My books fall with a loud slam on the floor and I go down with them, landing face forward. My whole body is suddenly sore and I can hear Natalie laughing. I smile, too, at my clumsiness, but not for long. Because I think you can guess who heard and came to help me up?

Yes; Potter.

"Lily, are you okay?" he asks, scurrying over to pick up my books.

"I'm fine," I reply sourly, getting on my knees.

James has all of my books in one arm and offers me his other hand. How he manages to carry those books, I don't know. All I know is that I'm not taking that offer. So, I get up by myself.

"Here are your books," he says, a twinkle in his eye.

"Thank you," I say dryly.

"Just one question," he says, smiling.

I knew it. "What is it now?"

"If you could be any element, which would you be?" he asks, the smile on his lips widening.

"I don't know. Air, I suppose. It's simple, and if I would be it, I could probably fly without the discomfort and awkwardness of a broomstick."

I prepare to leave, but Potter has to have his word in. "Do you know which one I'd be?"

"No, and frankly Potter, I honestly don't-

"I'd be fire," he says, leaning in and smiling a crooked smile. Then, he turns around and leaves.

I hear Natalie giggling behind me. "What's so funny?" I ask her.

"Don't you get it?" she asks, more seriously.

"No."

She sighs and says, "Lily, what color is your hair?"

"Red," I say, staring at her somewhat confused.

"Like fire," she whispers, and starts to walk away.


	11. PickUp Lines

A/N: Ignore the Muggle object references :)

* * *

I sat in the Gryffindor common room with Natalie, talking about something or the other. I peer out of the corner of my eye and see Potter and Sirius talking. It seems like Sirius is trying to convince Potter to do something. Oh no. Potter begins to walk over to me, looking over worriedly at Sirius who just gave him thumbs up. Is he as thick as I think he is? Who in their right mind takes advice from _Sirius Black_?

"Hey Lily," says Potter more confidently as he tries to impress me.

"Hello prick."

"Are you a library card?"

I look at him with a puzzled expression and see that he is blushing slightly.

"No, I am not a library card, Potter. I would think that's obvious."

"Oh?" he croaks, "That's strange- since I'm checking you out."

Natalie starts laughing. No, more like _guffawing_, and I can't help but join in. Potter rubs the back of his neck nervously, and smiles wryly.

"Er, well I'm a raindrop," he tries again.

I raise an eyebrow, "Really now?"

"Because I'm falling for you," he says a little louder, trying to speak over Natalie's hysterics. Unfortunately for me, this caused most of the people in the common room to eavesdrop on our interesting conversation, some even started to laugh. Fantastic.

"Wow," I say disbelievingly. I never knew he'd stoop this low.

He coughs a little, and for some reason decides to continue. "Are you made of Lucky Charms?"

"No," I say, nearly glaring at him, "I'm definitely not."

"Because you're magically delicious," he says, and as he does, he even manages to crack one of his genuine crooked smiles. He has begun to get on my nerves; at first the pick up lines had been slightly amusing, but now they were simply maddening. Especially since most people in the common room had begun to burst with laughter. I had never been more embarrassed! So, I decided to teach him a little lesson.

I smiled sweetly, "Do you want to hear a pick-up line, _James_?"

He looked surprised, but sat on the couch and smiled, "Go ahead."

I took the opportunity and walked slowly over to the couch. I kicked my legs over his lap and sat little by little down on top of him. He had his hands to his sides and looked positively stunned at the proximity my face was to his. I smiled and leaned towards his ear.

"Is your dad a baker?" I whispered.

"No," he croaked.

I breathed on his neck and pressed my hands against his chest, "Oh? Because your buns are delicious."

I then quickly got up and walked up to my dormitory, leaving that infuriating Potter speechless, and the whole common room laughing at him.

That'll teach him.


	12. Sleep

I'm tired and I want to go to sleep. But, I can't. I have piles of homework laid out in front of me that I really don't want to do- and it's been that way for an hour. Just looking at it makes me shudder. I hate homework. I really do, but I believe it's necessary if you want to stay at the top of your classes, like I do.

I look out my window sadly, if only I could just get out there and leave this slowly growing pile of homework.

That's when I realize that I can.

I get up, purposely shoving the table a little so that some of the books fall off. This makes me happy, and I feel just a tad bit rebellious. I continue walking down stairs groggily and through corridors drowsily until I reach the entrance. I take this moment to close my eyes and breathe deeply, preparing myself for my tiny moment of freedom, where I may get some time to sleep.

I pull open the doors and step out; a warm breeze passes by that increases my exhaustion to a point where my kness buckle and I almost fall.

I decide to quicken my pace and reach the tree by the lake. There I slump down, kick off my shoes, and curl in a tiny little ball away from homework and stress and any other sleeping-preventing activities.

That's when I fall asleep.

I have a dream that someone, who feels comfortingly strong, picks me up. I snuggle next to this dream person, feeling their warmth and comfort. I dream that they walk me up to my bedroom and tuck me into my soft sheets.

Then I suddenly wake up and find that I _am _in my bed. I sit up quickly, and get a little dizzy in the process, but can see well enough to make out a silhouette in the darkness.

It's James Potter leaving my dormitory.

I feel a quick, but deep, pang of regret for all the times I've snapped at him. But it goes away, although one thought lingers…

Although I hate him still, I realize that sometimes he _is_ kind of sweet.


	13. Self Esteem

I always have had a low self esteem. I've never felt that I'm pretty enough for anyone, or funny enough, and because of that, I've grown to be very shy. Natalie is my rock, really. She's the most outgoing one of the two and she's the one that gets us invited to places. I rarely do the talking.

Sure, when I talk I talk, and when I feel comfortable with people, I act more like me. But if I don't really know the person, I feel so scared because I think I'll say something completely and totally wrong and that they'll all think I'm some freak.

I decide to tell Natalie this one morning.

"Natalie, how are you so outgoing?" I ask her as we sit in the common room.

She looks at me and shrugs, "I guess I don't really think about it much. I just am."

I look at her, and I think she knows that I expected more of an answer, so she continues and says, "You just have to know that you're great and that you're special, you know? You can't let yourself think that people are judging you every second of every day. Plus, if I were you I don't think that I'd worry about that at all- you're beautiful."

I blush, "Are you serious? There are thousands of girls prettier than I am! To guys, I'm absolutely nothing. That's why they don't talk to me. My hair is huge; my nose is too big-

"Lily, you're nose is the perfect size. What in the bloody hell are you talking about?" she asks, almost incredulously.

"I'm hideous," I say, and burry my face in my hands.

"You're the most stunning, amazing, beautiful, sexy, moody, fantastic girl in the world, Lily," says a new voice.

I look up from my hands and see James Potter standing in the doorway.

"What do you know, Potter?" I ask coldly.

"I know that you're striking, vibrant, and did I mention beautiful?" he says, completely one hundred percent serious.

"Oh, please- don't give me that," I say half-heartedly, seeing as though part of me wants to really believe what he's saying.

"Lily, you're crazy," he says, smiling, "If you don't see your radiant beauty, then just know that I do, and so does every other guy in this school. The reason they don't ask you out is because they're scared of you rejecting them, or of me punching them in the face."

As he steps out of the common room, I see his cheek lifted, as if he's smiling. I'm at a lost for words.

Natalie sighs dreamily and looks at me, "Lily, you are blind."

"What? Are you going to give me that speech about my beauty, too?" I ask sarcastically, repeating in my mind the words that he had said.

"No, not that," she says, laughing a little at my all apparent ignorance.

"What then?"

"Lily, James is in love with you."


	14. The Study of Languages

A/N: I'm not feeling the love, readers- _**please review!**_

* * *

To be perfectly honest, Ancient Runes takes a toll on me.

I don't understand the meaning of having so many languages. The whole world should speak just one, that way we all understand each other and don't think someone is yelling insults at you when they're really saying, "Watch out! A car!" It'd be so much simpler without the confusion and brawls that not understanding causes.

I look up from my studying because I hear loud chuckles coming from none other than the Marauders' table.

I think the language boys speak is like Ancient Runes in the way that most girls don't feel like trying to understand it, although some feel it's essential to success.

I'm one of the girls who wish I _could _understand it, yet I don't bother trying. Because what's the point of doing something your not good at?

"Hey, Lily, how are you?" says the one and only James Potter.

I look at him, concentrated, trying to interpret the unobvious many meanings of this greeting. Is he saying it out of concern, or is he trying to chat his way up to a bound to fail pick up line?

I, only for the purpose of study, reply to him in a non-curtly manner (which takes a lot of my inner will). "I'm good, how are you?" It's probably too stiff of an answer, but I know he'll take it.

He looks surprised; why? Because I'm doing well? Did he plan to prank me during the day, and know he's realized that I missed it? Or because I answered him?

He gives me his crooked smile and says, "I'm doing fantastically, now that you're in front of me."

Is he trying to get me to talk to him more? Is this some sort of strategy where he compliments me illegitimately? Or is he serious? He can't be serious. That's too much lovesick puppy.

I look down at my Ancient Runes book and the confusing and spinning symbols snap me back out of my little "experiment."

"That's crap, Potter," I say, back to my coldness, "Go away, will you? I'm trying to study. Try it sometime. It'll keep you quiet."

He laughs a little. I'm about to start wondering what kind of humor he found in that, when I realize I'm done wondering about him. He leaves…eventually.

I huff to myself, well, there's one thing I _do _know- and it has nothing to do with Ancient Runes…

James Potter can sometimes be utterly perplexing.


	15. Nutrients

A/N: During my boring health class :)

* * *

"Will you go out with me?"

I look up and Natalie sniggers next to me. James Potter's expectant face is looking down at me, smiling.

I sigh, "No, Potter. Why do you continue to persist if you know that I'm going to say _no_."

"Because I need you," he says, "You're like a necessary nutrient."

I shut my book and Natalie leans in to listen. "Can't you use some sort of supplement? I'm sure I'm not your only option."

James pauses for a moment to think of what to say. "There _are _other options, that's true."

I'm pleased with myself, "See? So go off and bother them."

But he doesn't leave; instead, he says, "It's just that the only one I really want is you." Out of the corner of my eye I see Natalie smiling.

I groan, "Why? Why do you need to bother _me_?"

Shrugging, he says, "I don't know. All I know is that I can only see you. Sure, I see other girls, I'm not blind to them, you know. But, the only one I _really _look at is you, Lily. And I wouldn't change that. Ever."

I'm about to melt, because that is the most loving and sweetest thing that anyone has ever said to me. But then I realize it was James Potter who said it, and the feeling _kind of _goes away.

"Well. Get ready for disappointment, Potter," I say, and as I do, I feel a stab of regret…but I don't know why. I always say things like that- what's different this time?

James still manages to smile, "I don't know what it's going to take to convince you, but I really _do _love you, Lily. I do."

He walks away to leave me with my thoughts, which right now are spinning and buzzing and flashing signs in my head. I feel Natalie hug me from behind and whisper,

"I _told _you, Lily!"


	16. I'm Right

I sit in a History of Magic listening to another dreadfully boring, yet crucial, lesson. I'm writing notes and notes of names and wars when suddenly I find myself writing something different. Something wrong.

No, no, this definitely is a mistake.

Urk the Unbearable did _not _start the Goblin Rebellion of 1236! It was Gah the Golden!

I raise my hand, almost subconsciously. Everyone in the class looks at me; nobody _ever _asks a question in Mr. Binn's class. _Ever_. There are rumors that he's been giving goblin speeches nonstop since he died; he has nothing else to do, of course. But this is something critical. It could be a question on the exam and everyone would get it wrong. I can't have this on my conscience.

The pale white floating professor looks at me and in his same monotonous voice asks, "Yes, Ms. Evans?"

I'm stunned that he notices, first of all. But I prepare to tell him anyways. I breathe in and say, "Sir, you got a fact wrong."

Some people in the class audibly gasp. I roll my eyes; how immature they can be.

Mr. Binn's gives an odd sounding chuckle- I haven't heard him laugh before. "I don't get facts wrong, Ms. Evans. I don't know if you know, but I've been teaching this class for-

"Oh, I know, professor. I _also _know that Urk the Unbearable was not the one to instigate the Goblin Rebellion of 1236; it was Gah the Golden, sir. If I'm not mistaken, and you are."

Some people behind my snigger, I hear others oohing. I shake my head in disapproval, but smile nonetheless. I have to admit, it is a pretty brave thing I'm doing here.

The professor stiffens and gives a small cough. Now, his curious eyes have turned into a look of anger and disapproval. "Ms. Evans, I assure you I did not get anything wrong."

I'm getting very annoyed, "Professor, at least give me the benefit of the doubt and check your books."

Some people actually start to laugh at this, but the professor doesn't see them- he only has eyes for me now, and they're shooting daggers.

He purses his clear lips, "Fine. Let me look, if you will not stop." He manages, somehow, to pick up a book from the shelf and flip through thousands of pages (it's a very thick book). Suddenly, he stops at a page, looks expectantly at the words, and comes to a stop. Everyone in the class is positively frozen, their eyes glued on the professor.

I don't worry about anything of course. I know I'm right.

The professor looks up at me, his expression suspicious, "It seems you're right," he says, almost gagging the last word.

I smile and politely say, "Thank you, Mr. Binns." I then allow him to get back to his lecture which, whether it's my imagination or not, is much more carefully said.

Class ends and the class bustles around me saying things like

"How could you do that?"

"Are you crazy?"

"He knows _everything_."

"Know-it-all!"

"That was hilarious."

"Why do you always _have _to be right? We don't care, you know that."

I felt like crying. Why did they have to bully me for being smart? It's not my fault that I didn't want them to miss that question on the exam. I'm about to run up to my dormitory when I hear one more comment…

"I thought it was the most brilliant thing I will ever see in my life. Mr. Binns deserved it, he always thinks he's right. It was amazing and brave and stunning."

I turn around, my eyes brimming with tears for this wonderful person who stood up for me. That's when I see it was James Potter. He smiles when he sees my obvious emotion. And for some reason, I smile back and mouth the words,

"Thank you."


	17. Changing

A/N: I think this will start to make the story more interesting :)

* * *

I sat in the dormitory with my nightgown on, excited to begin reading a new book I had bought in the last Hogsmeade outing. Before starting, I open it down the middle and smell the inside pages. I don't know why, but I love the smell of a new book. I also love books with a passion. They're like an escape, if they're written well enough, and most of the ones I read are. You end up picturing yourself in the story- its great, because it's almost as if you can live two lives.

Suddenly, the door of the dormitory opens, and in comes Natalie, surprisingly quiet and thoughtful. She slumps down onto her bed, her brows furrowed in concentration.

"Natalie?" I ask cautiously; she's never been good with emotions. Most of the time, she's neutral- and the emotion she shows is very little. But when she does show emotions, it's always to the extremes; there's never an in-between with her.

"Lily," she says, "I think I'm changing my mind about some things."

I close my book and prop my head up with my elbow, observing her, "Is that a bad thing?"

Natalie pauses, looking up at the ceiling. "I…don't know," she says slowly, "Which is the problem." She turns to look at me, "Does this ever happen to you? I mean, do you ever think you know yourself, but then you end up surprising yourself? Is that even possible? Aren't you supposed to know who you are?"

I take this all in, wondering what in the world could possibly make Natalie so serious, something she rarely is. "Well," I say, "It happens to everyone sometime. And I suppose you always learn something new about yourself. And especially now, well, we're growing up; and with that comes change- good and bad."

"Ok," she says, and then turns around and faces the wall, trying (I think) to fall asleep, a place where she won't have to think about whatever is troubling her. Poor Natalie. Nobody, not even her now, knows what's going on in the depths of her mind.


	18. Flowers

I walked out to the grounds with a specific idea on my mind. Recently, I had been finding my room very barren and very boring. It was dreadful to go sit there and read, because the only interesting thing was the light coming through the window. That can't do. Plus, some sort of natural decoration might to Natalie some good, seeing as though she's still a little quiet. So, I decided to go walk, as I'm doing now, onto the grounds and pick a bouquet of flowers- something that might brighten up the dormitory for all of us.

I find myself at a small patch of garden by the lake where there are petunias, tulips, and chrysanthemums. I start picking a little of all of them, but subconsciously I know I'm getting the most petunias I can. I know she doesn't love me as a sister anymore, but I want her to. So, the flowers are the only thing that remind me of her, seeing that the only Christmas presents I get from her are small pathetic horrid things- this year it was a single toothpick.

I smell the flowers and I'm pleased with what I've picked out. I hold them out in front of me, admiring them. I think they will look nice in a crystal vase I can transfigure out of an old cushion.

"They're very pretty, but I love this one the best."

I turn around, holding my flowers close to me, and see James Potter staring at me, almost tenderly. He's holding out a flower that wasn't in the bed of soil I had been by—it was a lily.

I take it and simply say, "Thank you."

He smiles in that mesmerizing way of his and says, "Anything for you, my Lilyflower."


	19. All You Need is Love

The bell had just rang, allowing me to finally leave the potions classroom. I did this quickly since Professor Slughorn was zigzagging through the desks to try to talk to me- I really hope he doesn't want to have another meeting because those are always horribly boring.

When I reach the common room I head up to my dormitory to exchange some books for my upcoming classes. Opening the door, I see Natalie curled up in a ball on her bed. To my surprise, I see silent tears rolling down her face. This scares me because I've never seen her cry. Natalie has always been the tough one- never showed emotion, always rational, always knew what she was doing. Now though, she looked the spitting image of a total mess.

I run over to her and sit next to her, stroking her hair gently.

"Natalie, what happened?" I ask, extremely worried.

Instead of answering me, she just looks up to me, her eyes pained and confused. Her shoulders give me a defeated shrug.

"There's something wrong, and I know that you know what it is," I persist; I refuse to continue seeing Natalie like this- I have to know what's bothering her so I can help her fix it.

Finally, she answers me.

"I always knew what I wanted," she croaks, "My mind was decided and I knew how to act. I was always one step ahead of everyone else. I controlled my emotions."

"Natalie, honey, what changed?" I ask tenderly.

She looked at me, her eyes brimming with new tears.

"I fell in love."

I hug her, feeling her deep breathing. My poor Natalie. Love has destroyed her and torn her apart. Love has made her weak. Who could have possibly done this to her?

"Who is it?" I whisper daringly.

She grabs her pillow and puts it over her face; I hear her answer, but it's muffled.

"I can't hear you," I say, pulling at the pillow slightly. "It'll feel better once you get it out."

Natalie takes the pillow off and digs her face into my shoulder; I feel her tears on my collar.

She sighs and murmurs the name.

Sirius Black.


	20. Taking Chances

"I think I'm going to tell him," says Natalie, looking blankly ahead.

I'm stunned. "You're really going to tell him how you feel?"

She nods silently, "I can't just keep it inside me, Lily. Don't you get it? It's too much for me to handle. I think I might die if I can't tell him. It doesn't matter if he doesn't love me back; I just want him to know."

I get up and hug her; I don't know how she's so brave and so sure of herself. All I know is that I wish I could be like her- headstrong, confident, and so loyal to herself. Most people lie about their feelings, even to themselves, but not Natalie. She tells you what's what from the very start.

"Good luck," I say.

Natalie breaths in, "I think now is the best time. He's in that period between a girl he's just dumped and searching for another to snog, you know?" She laughs a little, "I don't know how I fell for this guy, Lily, but now that I did, I'm in really deep. It scares me a little, you know? What am I supposed to do after this? Wait around for him? I can't do that. I'm an independent woman that shouldn't be on my knees begging for a guy to come for me- even if it's Sirius. Yes, I love him for some reason, I don't know what these years with him have done to me, but I'm still in control of my life. I like it that way."

After her breathtaking revelation, she gets up and walks out the door. Oh how I hope that she's not let down. Natalie looks strong, sure, but sometimes I wonder how much more her heart can take.


	21. Christmas Preparations

I stood to the one of the sides in the Great Hall conjuring some colorful glass jars that would be used to hold the fairies during Christmas time. This is the best time of the year. I don't know why, but even the worst Slytherins can't help but grin when they see the decorations or the presents at the feet of their beds. It just makes everyone happy, and I'm glad to be a part of it (since I am a prefect, it is my duty to help decorate the Great Hall). I start to feel bad for Natalie, hoping she's okay. I haven't seen her since yesterday, and honestly, she wasn't at her best. I just hope it worked out for her...Now that I come to think of it, I haven't seen Sirius either.

Suddenly, though, my thoughts are obstructed by a large shattering crash. I turn briskly around, causing one of my own class jars to fall from the air and splinter; I wince. I hear loud laughing and see that the cause of the first large booming explosion was Potter, of course- unfortunately, he is a prefect himself (this has led me to finally accept that Dumbledore is out of his mind).

James, who was working on hanging the large glass star, had started performing tricks with it, making it turn around, spin, and sing. Obviously since he has no control, the star went haywire and exploded. Consequently, he began to laugh, along with some Hufflepuff prefect I haven't met yet, thinking it's quite amusing.

"Did you see the tricks, Lily?" he calls out to me, grinning.

"Yes I saw the bloody tricks, Potter! Now how do you expect to put it all back together?" I ask, crossing my arms in front of me.

He winks, "That won't be any trouble."

And it isn't; with a flick of his wand, all the tiny pieces of shattered glass fly up into the air and form the star- which this second time seems to shine and glitter even more than before. I stand there, stunned, completely unaware of the advanced magic he was capable of.

"Well, you should still be punished," I huff, turning around.

He laughs, "Oh, Lily loosen up- it's Christmas. I just gave you a wonderful show, and I even cleaned up after it, too. I think you should be pleased."

I turn my head around, "It wasn't a very good show!" and then turn back, continuing with my glass jars.

He smiles a crooked smile. "I love you, Lily!" he yells back.

And I can't help but smile, too.


	22. A New Fling

Later that night, I return to an empty dormitory. This worries me just a tad because it's past midnight and Natalie is normally snoring. But right now she's not. I sit down on my bed, unable to force myself to go to sleep. I have to make sure she gets here by morning. Sure enough, the door opens and in comes a very dazed-looking Natalie who's wearing a dreamy grin on her face.

"Oh my," I say.

"Oh my is bloody right," she responds, and falls down on her bed.

I smile, she's happy again. "I'm guessing it went well?"

She turns to look at me, her eyes bright, "Of course it went well!"

"What happened?" I ask keenly.

"Well, I told him- it wasn't _that _bad," she says (she's always brave, or at least wants to seem brave), "And then…he kissed me."

I'm stunned. "He kissed you? Just like that?"

Natalie laughs a little, "Yeah, I was surprised too, believe me. But I'm happy, because I got what I wanted and I don't have to suffer inside anymore."

I lay down next to her, "I'm glad that you're glad."

"I'm excited, too, you know."

"Why?"

"To start this whole new relationship thing. I've never really done anything like it before." She starts to look nervous.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm scared," she says, "Scared that I'll mess up and ruin my only chance at finding love."

"Oh, Natalie you can't base love on one relationship. Either way, you'll find it. But for now, just have fun and enjoy it- I bet it'll be great. I mean, who can say that they were Sirius Black's _serious _girlfriend," I say teasingly, but she looks solemn.

"See, that's what worries me. He's never in his _life _had a serious girlfriend. What does that mean? That he can't handle it? That he doesn't _want _to handle it? That he's going to be a player for his whole life? How can I trust him?"

I prop myself up on my elbows, "You have to trust yourself first. If you think about doing something, do it. We only get to live once, so we have to take chances. But always remember to look before you fall."

Natalie closes her eyes and smiles, "I want to love him, Lily. Even if just for a while."


	23. Notes

I sit innocently in Charms when suddenly a paper whizzes by and lands on my desk. It's a note from Potter.

_Will you go out with me, Lily?_

No

I throw the paper back at him as I finish curving the o. I turn around to see his reaction, and am slightly annoyed when I see him scribbling something back at me. The paper reaches my desk again.

_Please? You don't even give me a chance. What girl wouldn't want to date a guy that loves them?_

I sigh- he is so very pathetic sometimes. Unfortunately, though, I must deal with it. So, I write my response quickly and toss it back at him. I smile when it hits him in the head.

You don't love me, Potter. So stop annoying me. I'm trying to pay attention.

I see him shaking his head sadly and soon enough I get the paper back.

_Lily, you have no clue how much I'm in love with you. It's crazy- I can't get you out of my head. You won't leave me alone and you don't even know it! So please, make my life a tad bit less miserable and go out with me. Just once?_

No. 

_Please?_

Did you see my last response?

_I did_.

Did you see the period at the end?

_Er…yes. _

Well, the period is normally something that signals the end of a conversation. Therefore: No. - period, again. End of conversation.

_…I don't want to end the conversation, though. _

I said no with a period! We have already ended the conversation of you asking me out, so stop sending me these notes! You're going to get me in trouble again!

_I never said I wanted to ask you out again. I just want to talk with you._

I don't want to talk with you. - period.

_I love you, Lily._

.-period (I thought we had established something in accordance to this punctuation mark). - there it is again

_I love you, Lily. Period._

I groan, crumple up the paper, and throw it at him, hitting him squarely in the chest.

No more notes.

Period.


	24. Ah, Christmas

A/N: Well, this one is longer than most of the chapters, let me tell you that. Sorry I've taken so long to update, it's just with the now over final exams at my school, I was hectic with storing information in my brain :] Anywho, I thought I'd give you a treat and an apology with a longer full of Lily/James chapter. Merry (1 day early) Christmas!! _How bout some reviews??_

* * *

Ah, Christmas. My favorite holiday, finally here. The smell of pine fills the common room as I get up from my bed and put on my gown over my pajamas. The morning sky is clear—it couldn't be more perfect. I smile and make my way downstairs, where Natalie is impatiently waiting for me (I know that she's impatient because she's bouncing up and down staring at the Christmas presents underneath the tree). Apparently she hears my footsteps and turns around, the biggest childlike grin on her face. She opens her mouth to say something to me, but is stopped by Sirius who swoops down from nowhere and kisses her on the cheek. A small smile grows on my lips, I'm happy for them, just sad for me.

"Lily!" she cries, when Sirius finally gives her up, although he still has an arm draped around her.

"Sorry I took so long," I say, laughing a little, "I didn't want you to suffer just looking at those shiny boxes."

"I love the shiny boxes, Lily," she says, laughing and her eyes twinkling—Christmas puts her on some sort of high.

"How about you open this shiny box?" interrupts Sirius, handing her over a big and very shiny box.

Natalie opens it almost savagely to see tons of neatly arranged chocolates of all flavors. She pops one into her mouth and kisses Sirius. I wrinkle my nose a little, realizing that Sirius might be getting a taste as well.

After their little display, I go to open one of my presents, a beautiful knitted navy blue sweater from Natalie with golden lining. I absolutely love it and go over to hug her. We continue opening presents and are joined by Remus and James; I'm not too excited about the latter of the two.

I look up to greet them and see James eyeing me warily. What's wrong with _him_?

We all finish opening our presents, laughing and talking, when we realize that we have to go down to eat breakfast. Everyone runs to their dormitories to get changed, except for me. I decide to take it upon myself to clean up. If not it'll never get done. The common room is empty and quiet as I begin picking up the metallic red, gold, and green wrapping papers along with the many strands of ribbon, all sprawled along the carpet. Suddenly though I hear muffled footsteps. I turn around and see James, his hands behind his back. It's awkward as we both stare at each other, not saying anything. I decide to break the silence.

"Hello, James," I say.

He simply nods his head. Well then. I turn around, realizing he won't make an effort to speak to me. It doesn't bother me though.

"Er, Lily?" he croaks. Hm, he said something. I turn around just to humor him. It's Christmas, why get angry over him?

"Yes?"

He sits down next to me, "I have something for you…a present…for Christmas?"

I feel relieved, knowing I would have felt guilty if I hadn't decided last minute to buy him that small pack of Chocolate Frogs for his present. "Oh, thanks," I say awkwardly.

"You're welcome," he says quietly, looking at me. I raise an eyebrow. "Oh! Yeah, here you go," he says quickly, getting the thin box from behind him and handing it to me.

It's beautifully wrapped, probably to make up for the not-so-beautiful present he got me. I doubt he put much effort into it. I look up to see him looking at me expectantly, and I realize he wants me to open it. Probably to see my reaction—it's probably a prank. I play along and peel off the wrapping paper.

I gasp when I open the box.

Inside is the most beautiful necklace I have ever seen. The chain is thin, made of braided gold that glitters with the slightest ray of light. The charm is a beautifully crafted emerald lily.

"Wow, it's—wow."

James smiles shyly, "You like it?"

"I love it," I say; why lie? It's the most stunning present I've ever received.

He holds out his hand, "Do you want me to put it on?"

I hand it over to him silently and turn my back to him, gathering my hair and putting it to a side. His hands slowly go over and around me and I feel the light weight of the charm on my chest; I lightly put my hand over it. His hands struggle a bit trying to clip it, but eventually he does it and I let my hair fall down over it. I turn around and he's smiling.

"Merry Christmas, Lily. I love you," he says, and gets up to go to breakfast.

I'm left there, my hand over the gorgeous emerald lily, wondering why the spots where his fingers touched my neck are still tingling.


	25. The Good Life

A/N: I've reached 25! Wow! Thanks again readers! :)

* * *

When I wake up the next morning, I still have the happy feeling of Christmas in me. I yawn, rubbing my eyes, and turn over to see that Natalie is sitting up on her bed with a smile on her face, slowly eating a chocolate from the big box Sirius had given her. I scratch my neck as I watch her amusedly—she's so in love. That's when I feel James's necklace; I must have slept with it on. I quickly sit up, clutching the charm as the feelings from yesterday morning flood back.

My eyes turn to look at Natalie who surprisingly hasn't noticed. I force myself to relax—it _was _nothing, after all. Nothing at all. It's just a pretty necklace…yet I can't bring myself to take it off. I decide to speak, it's not safe to be alone in my thoughts anymore.

"Enjoying those, are you Natalie?" I ask, hoping my voice sounds normal.

Natalie jumps, but continues to smile, "Merlin, Lily, you frightened me."

I smile back, glad she didn't notice the worry in my voice, "So you're doing good with Sirius, then?"

Natalie falls back on her bed dreamily, "I'm loving it."

"You're loving _him_, too, I think," I say daringly.

She looks at me, her eyes determined, "I do love him, Lily. I really do. I just don't know if he loves me back."

I'm feel sympathetic as I say, "If he doesn't love you, he will eventually."

"What if he never does and I'm just one of his flings?" she says, her eyes now expressing doubt.

"Then he's a fool," I say back at her truthfully, "Natalie, I don't think you should worry at all. Just live your life because it's really good right now."

Natalie smiles, "It is, right? I've got it all set out. Normally people dream about this stuff. I'm being stupid, thanks Lily. For making me remember how good it is to love someone."

I smile as she gets up and goes to breakfast.

Love seems so easy, so good.

Figuring out if you're in love in the first place?

That's hard.


	26. Food Poisoning

Ok, I need to sort out what I'm feeling. I can't live without knowing what's going on in my heart. Why do I feel so doubtful? If my feelings were neutral or even leaning towards dislike, I know I wouldn't doubt myself because those are feelings I'm used to.

But this?

This is very new to me. The feeling of a racing heart, restlessness, and the impulsiveness to never take off the necklace James gave me. Oh. Well that's different. Automatically I called him James…not James _Potter_, much more unfriendly and cold, or even just Potter, the name I used when I truly hated him. Now I just called him James; this produces a dizzy feeling in my head.

What is _wrong_ with me?

Since when have I been doubtful about my feelings for James? Never. And I shouldn't be. It's probably something I ate. I must have food poisoning. Yes, that's perfect. Food poisoning.

"Lily?"

Well speak of the devil—I look up and see James's hazel eyes looking into my own, a grin across his face.

"Yes?" I manage to say.

"How are you today?"

I look at him, "I'm fine."

"That's wonderful," he says and kisses me on the nose, except this time, I'm not angry; and if I were someone looking at me, I might just have seen me blush. I run to my dormitory and lay flat out on my bed.

Stupid food poisoning!


	27. She Will Be Loved

Classes have just ended for today so I decide to walk to my dormitory before heading to dinner. When I get to the common room it's surprisingly empty. Nobody's here- not even the Marauders; and they use this place as if it were _their _clubhouse. Just thinking about them…about _him_…it makes the charm balancing on the golden chain seem even heavier, yet I don't ever get tired of feeling its weight.

I walk up to the dormitory with this in mind when I suddenly hear sobbing coming from inside. I push the door open and see Natalie curled up in a ball on her bed, her face wet with tears. I run over to her and wrap my arms around her.

"Natalie, what's the matter? What happened?" I say, Natalie sobbing into my shoulder. I unwrap my arms and sit in front of her, my eyes full of sadness and hopefully some sort of condolence.

"Lily," she whispers, choking on her tears, "I was right."

"Right about what?" I ask desperately; I always get so worried when she cries, seeing that she rarely ever does unless it's extremely serious for her.

"He didn't love me."

"Oh, Natalie," I breathe, "What happened?"

She shrugs pathetically, shakes her head, tears fall down onto her bed. "I don't know, I really don't. He just broke up with me. And we were doing _so _well. What did I do wrong, Lily?"

"You didn't do anything wrong," I say sternly, "He's the stupid git who lost the best girl he'll ever have."

"But I think I just lost the best boy."

"No," I say firmly, "There are plenty of other men out there for you to be with. I bet there's someone right now that's going to love you in the future, Natalie. You will be loved."

She wipes the tears from her cheek and says, "I can't _stand _guys. They're all a bunch of bloody jerks! They suck!"

I laugh a little, "That's my Natalie. Do you want to go down for dinner, or are you going to stay up here a bit?"

"I think I need some time to myself," she replies quietly.

I nod and get up, completely at a loss as to how that Sirius could've done this to my best friend. Who does he think he is, anyways?


	28. Unpredictable

I walk onto the Hogwarts grounds feeling incredibly foolish. How could I stoop to this level? Honestly, I, Lily Evans; am I really doing this? Yes, I thought. I am.

I reach my destination: a bush of flowers, yellow and framed with thin petals, perfect for the picking. I pluck one from its place.

"You are serving a medieval purpose today, flower," I inform it; at least it should know what its doing.

I sit myself down on the dewy grass and look at the yellow, harmless flower. So innocent, so unaware of its surroundings. So clueless. Am I that clueless? Well, that's obvious. If I wasn't, I wouldn't be here, would I? Resorting to the most lowly and barbaric forms of finding out the answer to your questions.

I take a deep breath and gently pull off the first petal. I look at it, wondering, pondering the possibility as I say, "I love him."

The words roll off my tongue so naturally as the petal lingers in my fingertips. My hand slowly releases it and the wind blows it away. It flickers and twists and turns in the unpredictable wind. Unpredictable. I smile in spite of myself. The perfect word for this situation. One hundred percent unpredictable.

I move on and pluck the next petal and say, "I love him not."

I continue like this, sitting on the grass. I love him, I love him not, I love him, I love him not, I love him…

It's a game, really. Just chance. Yet some people take it so seriously, as if the decision is final, and there's no room for adjustment. There has to be room, I think, as I stare at the final petal hanging off the flower. It droops a little and I feel like it's taunting me; but why? My fingers reach for it and I pull it off quickly.

"I love him not," I breathe; but the words seem strange and wrong.

As if I'm lying to myself.

…

And that's when it hit me.


	29. Out of Denial

I'm sitting on a couch in the Gryffindor Common room, which is desolately empty. It figures, since its dinner time and everyone _without _problems is eating. But no; I _have _problems right now, so I can't bear to eat, if not I might throw up afterwards. I'm already nauseous as it is. How could I have been so stupid? I always thought I was strong and invincible- being able to withstand the almighty James Potter's charm!

I sigh.

Not anymore. Everything about him is just wonderful. It seems Natalie was correct; I _was_ in denial. Even then I knew there was something about him that I was dangerously attracted to, but I wouldn't let anyone assure me, not even myself. I was wrong, I kept telling myself, I'm just thinking too much.

But I wasn't.

Why did I have to keep up that fence around me? Why couldn't I just let him in? Why couldn't I have said yes to one of his stupid persistent pleas, asking me to go out with him? Now I know that I'd say yes in a heartbeat if he ever asked me again.

Would I really?

Would I seriously let my pride be damaged like that, all because of that James Potter? Does he really have that much power over me? He can't have! I'm an independent, brilliant, smart, outstanding, seventeen year-old redhead. Well, that was an ego-boost, wasn't it? But I needed it, because now I feel like all of my self-importance and all of my power is being demolished, destroyed, pulverized, and blown up.

And you know what else?

I'm in love.


	30. Hiding Spots

A/N: I'm so excited to be writing from Lily's point of view now, since she's finally admitted her feelings for James! :) It makes for much more amusing drabbles, like this one. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it- cheers!

* * *

I am currently hiding behind a bush.

Not the most appealing place you'll ever find me, but a good hiding spot nonetheless. From what am I hiding from exactly? Well, you'll see that the _real _question is from _who. _I'm quite sure that has an obvious answer, though. I'm hiding from James. Yes, _James_. A name that now rolls off my tongue so naturally and so beautifully, but so nervously as well.

Why am I hiding from James? Well, that's a bit harder to explain. You see, I was walking down to herbology, my next class, when he just popped out of nowhere and scared me half to death- but in a good way. Yet, he didn't notice this. He did it subconsciously, in that sneaky marauder way of his. That's the part that gives me a bit of trouble when trying to understand. The thing is, I was dreadfully scared to see him, but in a state of such euphoria as well that it astounded me, and I was forced, then, to dive out of sight.

And where did I land?

A bush. A prickly, bug infested, smelly mud on the ground type of bush.

But what do I do now? That's my current dilemma. I can't go out until I'm sure that he's gone away. If not, he might see me, coming out smelling like poo and filled with spikes on my robes. He'll ask what I've been doing, won't he? With that now oh-so-charming and mesmerizing smile of his? He'll humiliate me, but insist that I look beautiful. I'll pretend to still act annoyed, although inside my heart is thumping faster than the fastest flyer on the England Quidditch team. And my head? Well, that part of me will be spinning so fast that I'll probably go vomit.

In this same bush.


	31. Coolness

Lily! Eyes _away_!

Ugh. I'm terrible at playing it cool. Yes, playing it cool. That's something I'm not good at. The only thing, if there was a class of, which I would absolutely positively fail. It's horrible, really.

Right now, I'm sitting in the Gryffindor common room with the Marauders and Natalie. And by the Marauders, I mean especially James. I can't keep my eyes off of him! It's very, very embarrassing, although nobody has noticed. I hope. I really do hope. Oh, Merlin, how I hope!

But is it even possible for someone to stop looking at him? How was I able to control myself? How was I ever able to keep my eyes off the gorgeous sexy man that is James Potter? It's absurd. Nobody should deny themselves of the pleasure that can arise from just looking at him.

His face- his perfectly crafted face. The high cheekbones, perfect (so perfect!) nose, big hazel eyes, that dazzling crooked smile of his. It's like he was made to keep in a glass box for the whole world to see. Better yet! He would be kept in a steel box, hidden away from the world, because no one is worthy enough to set their eyes on him for more than a few seconds.

And I haven't even gotten a chance to see his body, but how I long to see it. It's embarrassing to say, but I once saw him lift up his undershirt _ever so slightly_; but what I saw was unforgettable- it made me blush furiously. I almost thought of running back to that bush, but I thought better of it and tried to calm down as I made my way away from the area of the room he was in. If only…oh, what am I thinking?!

"Lily?"

I turn around, almost too quickly, and strain my neck. It was Natalie who called out to me in a whisper, leaning over her chair.

"What is it?"

"I need to tell you something," she says, and I hear a hint of anger in her voice.

This can't be good.


	32. Scum

Natalie leads me up to our dormitory and beckons me to sit down on my bed. I obey, knowing that there is a tantrum coming on.

"You will not _believe _what that scum did!" she cried, throwing her hands up in the air in outrage.

"What scum, exactly?" I ask innocently enough.

"Sirius Black," she said, making a face of utter revulsion.

"So you've gotten over him, then?"

"Yes- well- of course I have!" she cries, "Who wouldn't?! He's an arse! A bloody arse I tell you! Ask me what he did- ask me."

"What did that scum of a Sirius Black do to you Natalie?" I ask, somewhat teasingly.

"Well, if you care to know," she starts, "I was walking down the corridors, minding my own bloody business, when this one comes up and starts talking to me. But that's not the worst part!"

"I sure hope not," I say, smiling a little.  
"No, he decides to tell me that I have _beautiful eyes_! Can you believe him?!"

I stare at her curiously. "I don't understand."

"What don't you understand, Lily?! Isn't it obvious?!"

I really do try to comprehend where she's going with this, but I'm at a blank. "I have no idea what you're talking about. What could be so bad about a guy complementing you?"

"It's that it was the same stupid bloke who decided to break off the best relationship I've ever had- for no possible reason! And only one week and four days after he comes up and tries pathetically to flirt! With me! Do you see the problem now?!"

I sigh sympathetically, "I do, actually."

"I'm glad."

"And I can't believe you still love him."


	33. A Mission

Natalie is angry with me. Obviously. What I said the other day didn't please her too much; I think it was mostly because it was true. But, there's no time to worry about that right now.

Because I'm on a mission.

Yes, a mission. Surprised, are you? Lily Evans _can _be sneaky and _can_ break the rules every once in a while. Ah, but you don't know _how _or _why _I broke the rules, do you? Well, I stole a magic camera. Now you can't find these just laying around in Hogwarts. No. You have to go out and look for them. This one in particular was in Professor Flitwick's office. I suspect a student brought a Muggle camera some year before and Professor had it charmed. Maybe the student forgot it. Maybe it has nothing to do with that story at all.

_I _don't know.

All I _do _know is that I have a magical camera- the only object necessary for this crucial mission. I, at this very moment, and creeping into the library. Slowly and silently. My back is pressed against the books and I hope that I don't make any noise, seeing that I am only feet away from my target.

I allow myself a peek from behind the bookshelf.

I see the target.

My camera aims for the target.

I snap the picture.

I sprint out of the library, oh-so-slyly.

I somehow manage to reach the Gryffindor Common room, but I'm breathing heavily and am hiding behind one of the couches. I close my eyes and try to slow down my lungs, but they're so pumped with adrenaline and the rush of fear I got when taking the picture that I don't know if they'll ever stop. I look at the camera and my heart is racing.

The picture develops.

I look at it and am so happy. There, in my tiny picture, is James. He's sitting calmly with a small smile, probably from a scene he's just read from the book he holds in his hands. I press the picture to my chest and run up to my dormitory.

Mission accomplished.


	34. Tell Me

"Hello, love."

I can't say anything. I _won't _say anything. My open mouth is not to be trusted at this time. What if I say something horribly embarrassing? Something that will ruin me forever? It's not fair. I shouldn't worry this much about what I'm going to say to James; it's just, that I do.

Love sucks.

"Lily? Are you pretending not to hear me again?"

Oh, no. I hear you- I hear you and I love you.

"What's so bad about saying hello to me? I promise I won't ask you to go out with me. If that's what bothers you."

It used to bother me, James. But if you ask me now, I'll say yes in a heartbeat. I was so stupid, and I thought you were stupid. But now I realized that I was just in love, and that you're wonderful.

"Lily, come on. Why won't you talk to me? Don't you understand how much I love you?"

My heart is racing and pounding and I feel like my chest is about to rip open. What do I say? I can't just tell him I love him, can I?

"Look, every time I try to talk to you, you always tell me to go away or to piss off. But not _once_, not _once _have you told me that you don't care about me. I have tried everything, just for you to notice me, to like me, to go out with me- even if just one time. But you haven't complied at all. You've been stubborn, hard-headed, mean, and hurtful. Yet, I still love you. I love you so much, Lily. Please, just tell me now- say _anything_ and I'll stay with you forever. But ignore me, and I'll get it. I'll _really _get it. And I'll leave you alone."

I can't. I can't say it. If I say it, what if doesn't work out? What if he's lying and it _won't _be forever? What if he just leaves me to rot afterwards because he falls for another girl? I can't let myself be hurt by him. I can't.

"Okay. I understand."

I hear his footsteps as he leaves and I feel like I'm dying. I'm dying with love for that stupid James Potter.

And I've just let him get away.


	35. Heads or Tails?

I feel like a useless vegetable. What I did yesterday was the stupidest thing in the world. There I was, with a once in a lifetime chance of getting what I wanted. But what did I do? I ran away. Like a coward. Afraid of failure and afraid of regret.

Wouldn't it have been better to have experienced the love I was offered, even if I would grow to regret it later? Wouldn't it have been better to be loved back, just for a little bit? Now I know how Natalie feels. Alone, depressed, broken, pained.

I place a sickle in my hand.

"I'm sure you'll tell me the truth."

Heads: everything will be fine.

Tails: I'm a complete moron and should do something to fix the current situation.

I kiss it quickly, and quite pathetically if you ask me, and then toss it up into the air. I catch it in a closed fist and when I flip it on my arm…

Tails.

How right you are.


	36. I Don't Know

Me and Natalie lay sadly in a flower bed on the grounds of Hogwarts. We're both looking somewhat curiously at the sky above us. I don't know what we're waiting for, but we're waiting for something. To change. The thing is, we have no idea what.

"Natalie?" I whisper.

"Yeah?"

"What are we doing?"

"Being pathetic."

"That's not a good thing."

She doesn't say anything for a while.

"I don't know, Lily."

"What do you mean? How can being pathetic ever be a good thing?"

Natalie props herself up on one elbow and I do the same. We face each other, trying to digest the question and figure out the proper answer.

Natalie sighs, "I don't know." She flops back down on her back, and so do I.

"We happen to not know a lot of things."

"It's bloody annoying, let me tell you."

"But maybe it's a good thing."

"Not knowing, like being pathetic, can never be considered a good thing. You said it yourself."

"Maybe if we knew everything life would be really boring and predictable. It would be like a book you'd never want to read. And that, I find, is really irritating. Imagine, just imagine, being in a huge library with not one single book that interests you! How horrible would that be? Having all those pages of knowledge in front of you, yet you don't want to read it. You try, I mean, but it just doesn't capture your attention. You're sitting in a room full of boring."

"Well that just about describes every library for me, to be perfectly honest. You're going to have to find me a better metaphor. Or else, I'll stick with my opinion of not knowing being a totally useless quality."

"Ok, let me think."

And I did. For quite a while, let me tell you. Suddenly, an idea slithers its way into my mind from the petals around us.

"I've got it."

Natalie raises her eyebrows, her eyes not moving from the blue view above her. "Enlighten me, oh wise one."

"Movies- you like movies, don't you?"

"I absolutely love movies."

"Good, that's good. But what if every time you saw a movie, you knew how it was going to end, who was going to die, who was going to fall in love, and everything- right from the opening credits?"

"That'd be bloody horrible."

"Exactly. So, sometimes we want to know how things will turn out, but I think it's better to leave it to fate."

"Do you believe in fate?"

I ponder this for a moment. "I don't know."


	37. Inconspicuous

I have just sadly realized that life without James chasing me around is very boring and very depressing. I miss him. I feel like screaming it out to those paintings on that wall over there. I miss James Potter!

"I miss _JAMES POTTER!_"

Oh my.

I said that out loud, didn't I? Well aren't I just bloody intelligent? I should go away now. Really, really fast. So I do. I run my bloody legs off until I get to the Gryffindor Common Room. Sweaty, panting, and with a really loud thumping heart.

I am so inconspicuous. I should become a spy.

I comb my hair down with my hands and take a deep breath, looking around the room. Nobody _seems _to have noticed. That's good. So, with my fingers crossed, I walk up to the dormitory- my safe haven. I take a break before entering the door, seeing as though my heart is still having an attack in my ribcage. Goodness. As I take this break, though, I hear something inside the dormitory. They sound oddly like sniffles. Sad sniffles. Is somebody crying?

I hold my breath and slowly (and much more inconspicuously) crack the door open. I manage to look through the tiny gap, but what I see is saddening. Natalie is curled up in a ball on her bed, crying. Over Sirius, I suppose.

How terrible. Now we're both suffering.

I make my way back down to the common room knowing that she needs some space. I don't think she'd like people knowing she's crying over him. She always said she'd never cry over a boy, and so did I.

Well, it seems like we both broke that promise.


	38. Distractions

I hate studying. I really do. You probably are taking this as some sort of surprise, but it really isn't. Sure I get Os and all the teachers are pretty nice with me, but that's just because I try really hard. It doesn't come so easy to me. I have to work for it; but when I do, it pays off. Unfortunately, I don't really care about this until _after _I get the O. During the studying process, I can get very easily distracted. So distracted, especially now since I-

James!

He just walked in alone. I wonder where Sirius and that pudgy Peter kid are. I know Remus has been in here for a while; James is never alone, though. Normally he's surrounded by his posse. The Four Marauders. It was so childish back then, but now I think it's the greatest thing in the world.

Suddenly, he looks over at me and our eyes lock for tender, precious seconds. I want to scream: I love you! But I can't. Then, he gives me a small, sad smile and walks away towards the table where Remus is sitting. He cradles his head in his hands. Oh, no, no, what's wrong? What happened? I want to go over and just hug him and kiss him. But I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't! I hate not being able to do the things I want to. I love him so much and I should've let him know it.

I'm so stupid! So, so, so, so, so, so, so, stupid!

I'm going to punish myself.

I'm going to study.


	39. A Sirius Warning

I'm bored and sitting by myself in the Gryffindor Common room. I have no idea what Natalie is up to, and everyone else seems to have better things to do. I, for one, do not. I just brood and mope. It's depressing, but it's inevitable. Suddenly though, the portrait opens and in steps Sirius. I'm not too fond of him, seeing that he ruthlessly and pointlessly dumped my best friend. Yet, I'm curious as to why he's here. He hasn't spotted me and seems to be talking…to himself. How odd. His eyes are kind of looking to the side, but I see nobody. He looks around and sees me sitting alone, walks over, and plops down next to me.

"Er, hello Sirius," I say.

"Lily, I have something to tell you," he says rather bluntly.

"I hope you're planning on telling me why in the world you dumped my best friend," I say honestly, wanting to help the recently moody Natalie. His eyes show sadness and regret, but only for a moment. Now that I think about it, it happened so quickly that I probably imagined it.

"No," he says, "I have nothing to say about that- _but _there is something. And it involves you."

"What could you possibly want?"

"Ok, so here's the thing Lily. You love James."

I am taken aback and struggle to speak clearly. "I-I most certainly do not," I sputter, very unconvincingly.

Sirius narrows his eyes, "Are you sure about that? Because know that he loves you very much. And _also _know that you love him. It's so obvious Lily it's not even funny anymore. You're bloody stupid if you deny it."

I pause, but only for a brief second, before saying, "I do _not _love him. I- I don't." I finish with an almost sad whisper.

Sirius raises an eyebrow, "You're not convincing me. I'll ask you one more time, and let me tell you, you will _regret _it if you don't say the truth now; because you won't have an opportunity again. My mate won't follow you around like some sad puppy forever. He'll be a strong independent _Rottweiler. _That's right, Lily, a Rottweiler. Like his best mate right here."

Now it is my turn to raise a curious eyebrow, "What are you talking about?"

He shakes his head, "Nevermind. Forget the bloody amazing and totally sensible metaphor I just made up for you. Let's get to the point. Do you, Lily Evans, love James Potter?"

That makes me feel as if I'm getting married! I do, or I don't. But I can't let myself be influenced by this loser who treated Natalie so badly. What does _he _care anyways? He has nothing to do with this, and what I say to him will surely not affect the circumstance. He's an imbecile.

"I-I don't," I say, surprised at my constant inability to lie well, concerning this matter.

Sirius gives me a sad smile, "You asked for it Lily."

He gets up and leaves, and once again, I'm alone.


	40. A Dream

A/N: I guess you could say this is the 40th anniversary! :) You reviewers have been wonderful; thanks for reading!

* * *

A man is running, holding a bag in his hands. He looks scared, but hopeful. As he gets further down the dirt road he looks behind him and his eyes widen in surprise: a crowd of people chases him closely behind. He can hear their chants.

"Open the bag! Open the bag!"

"No!" he cries, "I can't! I won't!"

"Open it! You can open it!"

"No!" he yells, and then more quietly says, "I'm scared…"

He faces forward, trying his hardest to ignore the crowd that runs faster and faster towards him. He's sweating and his heart is beating in his chest. Finally, a small hut appears in the horizon, along with a chance. The man braces himself and sprints towards the hut, using his last breaths to reach the door, leaving the crowd far behind. He opens the wooden door with one hand, catching his breath, and realizes that the hut is empty. Better, he thinks, as he places the bag down on the table. He sits down in front of it and watches it. His brow scrunches together above his eyes as his eyes begin to water. Running with the bag, alone and frightened, has proved to be a mistake. The thing is, he doesn't know what to do. What _can _he do? _Open _it? No, he can't. What if it's not what he was expecting? So what else can he do? Leave it there? Someone might pick it up. But is that ok? Is that better than opening it and not having it be what he wanted? He thinks so, and therefore, he leaves the hut with a tinge of regret. Minutes later, without the man knowing, another man steps in. He holds the bag and opens it, grinning when he does. Inside there's thousands of golden coins. The man grabs a handful and throws them up in the air, celebrating. He picks a single one up and twirls it in his fingers, easily maneuvering it.

The first man heard the commotion and looked through a window into the hut and saw the scene. A tear rolled down his cheek, realizing what he had lost.

Lily gasped suddenly and woke up.


	41. Lost

Oh Merlin I'm lost.

And let me tell you, I'm in my sixth year of Hogwarts- I truly believed myself capable of knowing, at all times, where I was bloody going. But no. Today on my way to Charms, the stair I'm on decides to move to a completely different direction. And not just turning right when it was supposed to turn left. Oh, no. It completely removed itself from the staircase and flew for five minutes with me hanging on for dear life until it came to a stop at an undisclosed location.

I have no idea where I am!

Ah, it seems I've reached a hallway…however there are no portraits. How odd. So odd that it really does scare me.

"Hello?" I call out. "Is anyone here?"

Well, it was worth a try. Huzzah! A door! A last hope!

I sneak over and slowly open it, making for more climactic suspense. I guess I'm enjoying this, in a way. Only slightly. When I open the door, though, it is pitch black. I cannot see a thing! I step in and feel my way around the walls, trying to find a candle.

Wait, aren't I just bloody stupid?

I take out my wand. "Lumos," I whisper. When the wand tip lights up I find that I'm in…a broom closet?

Suddenly I hear a click, and the door has accidentally shut close.

…

Oh bloody hell.


	42. Acio!

"Hello?" I ask for the umpteenth time.

My attempts have been pathetic, useless, and gotten me nowhere. I am still here inside this bloody closet with nothing but my wand and the small light it gives me. I breathe deeply, my veins surging with increasing irritation. I take this short moment to scream very loudly.

I listen. But all I hear is silence.

"Why isn't anybody around here?!" I cry out.

My stomach grumbles in protest. "Oh, no," I say, putting a hand over it as if to make it be quiet. How can I get food? How long can I last _without _food? In this stupid bloody closet? The light from my wand shines a little brighter and I can almost feel the light bulb plop above my head as an idea hits me.

"Acio toast!" I say, pointing to the door.

It takes a while, but I suddenly hear a faint whizzing. Yes! Success! The toast is coming, the toast is coming!

I hear a small thud as the toast collides with the door; suddenly, I realize what's wrong in this situation.

"Ugh!" I yell, throwing a small tantrum.

How I hate my life.


	43. The Importance of Toilets

I have just come to realize the importance of toilets. I really don't understand why I was stuck in this bloody closet in the first place, but now I have to pee. However, there is _nowhere _to pee.

See my dilemma?

Yes, well. Other than that, and a few protesting grumbles from my stomach, I've managed to survive for hours in this broom closet. Yet I'm starting to get really frightened because it's getting darker outside and I don't know if my wand light will be able to shine that much light anymore.

And I don't know if I told you, but…

I'm afraid of the dark. And this could prove to be a problem right now.

Oh goodness…It's _extremely _dark in here.

CRASH!

Bloody hell, what was that?! I turn and feel around in the darkness, only to find that it was just a mere bucket…

…

A _bucket. _An _empty _seemingly _clean _bucket.

…

Minutes later and I don't have to pee anymore.

But it's still dark. And it's starting to smell.

Someone better get me out of here.


	44. Diferentiating Reality

I suddenly wake up. I must have fallen asleep in that stupid closet! I feel around me but sense nothing that reminds me of that humid broom closet. Instead, I touch sheets and a pillow and part of a wooden bed frame.

I open my eyes and sit up quickly.

Breathing heavily, I realize that I'm in my dorm, the door slightly ajar. How in the world did I get here? I was _definitely _stuck in a closet just...I check my watch…an hour ago! I don't sleep walk, I didn't get out of the closet. This is truly a mystery.

Or is it?

Could it all have just been a dream? No, impossible. It felt real. The door shutting, the darkness, the light emitting from my wand, the makeshift toilet. Everything was real. So if that's the case…

Why am I in my dormitory?


	45. Up To No Good

A/N: I'm so sorry!! I've taken so long to update! Here's a pretty lengthy one that I hope you all enjoy! :)

* * *

My mind has settled down a bit, pretty ok with the idea that it was all a dream. Maybe. I rather not think about it to be perfectly honest. It leads me to thinking I'm a tad bit insane. That would mean proving Sirius right. I don't want to do that.

I look around me and the Charms classroom is surprisingly quiet. Everyone is doing their work…there must be something amiss. I turn next to me and see James scribbling madly on a piece of paper which he's half-covered with his arm. I raise an eyebrow suspiciously.

Should I ask him what he's doing?

Would it seem obvious that I'm just trying to talk to him? Or would it be normal, as if I'm just being my own normal nosy self?

…

It was all much easier when I just insulted him.

Ah well. It's always nice to try new things. I tap him carefully on the shoulder…which is quiet strong-feeling. I resist the urge to grab it, smiling to myself because of the words I just used.

James turns around and sees me grinning stupidly. His eyebrows raise.

"Yes, Lily?"

My eyes widen and I must look incredibly mental. "Uh, er, your- um- er- shoulder?"

I don't know if its just me, but I see the ends of his lips twitch. "My…shoulder?"

"Er- no- no! Not, that. Just- uh- the paper and the arm and the scribbles?"

He looks down at the sheet of parchment and his neck reddens. I smile at how cute that is.

"Oh," he says, stuffing it into his pocket, "It's nothing. Just…plans. Planning. For…plans. That I have…well, planned. You know."

I nod, pleased that I can still make him nervous. "Why does it always seem as if you're up to no good?"

He opens his mouth as if to say something but then his eyes brighten, as if he's just thought of a brilliant idea.

"Thank you!" he cries, and runs out of the classroom.

I stare dumbfounded and love-struck at his back as it sprints away.

"Where is Mr. Potter _goin_g?!"

I turn around and see Professor Flitwick struggling to see over his podium, wondering frantically what that boy could be up to.


End file.
